I haven’t run in three weeks, not a step. I’ve been suffering from vertigo. I’ve been dealing with that for over a year now, so I’m not really sure why it’s got me down lately.
In fact, I went to the doctor about it (finally!…I know, I know). She gave me some meds and told me to up my vitamins, so…
The thing about the vertigo is that it comes on so randomly. I can never predict when I’ll have an episode. It only lasts for about ten seconds every time and I can feel it coming on, but it’s just so random.
When vertigo strikes, it comes out of nowhere. I could never put my finger on what was causing it. At first, I thought maybe I was dehydrated, so I drank plenty of water and it still happened. Randomly. Then I thought maybe I was just looking at my computer screen for too long, but that wasn’t it, either. Maybe the new vitamins will work. We’ll see.
I don’t like myself when I’m not able to run. I think what happens when I stop running for too long is that I start drinking more. I start drinking more and writing less. I start drinking more, writing less, and feeling depressed.
That’s what happens when I stop running for too long.
I had been training pretty hard for the Philadelphia Marathon but had to withdrawal because of the vertigo and the lack of down-the-stretch training. That hurt, having to withdrawal. I felt like I wasn’t in control of my own body; I couldn’t tell it what to do like I’ve been able to do pretty much my entire life.
I’ve been on the vitamins for a few days now and I don’t feel much different, but I haven’t had another episode, so there’s that.
I’ll get back out there, maybe later today. Will something bad happen? Will I have an episode in the middle of a run and have trouble getting back home? Maybe. But if I don’t try, I won’t ever know. What I do know is that I’ll drink too much, write too little and feel too depressed about things I know I can’t control. I don’t like myself when I get like that.
I don’t like myself when I’m not able to run.
THE SCOTT LANGDON PROJECT 